Ok - so the final, obligatory, it-explains-everything, Star Wars movie is finally here. Everyone who has been waiting twenty seven years can finally relax. Here is what I thought about it. Don't worry about spoilers. If you have seen II & IV you know what has to happen in III. If you haven't, you won't understand it anyway.
Bottom line. Lucas phoned in the plot and had the CGI folks at Industrial Smoke and Mirrors try to distract us from the lack thereof with lots of gee-whiz, blows-up-real-good effects. The actors looked like they were trying to match the green screens they were standing in front of rather than actually conveying emotion or furthering the story, such as it was. What more can I say? The most emotive and sympathethic actor was a green cartoon puppet. Yoda was the only one who got any audience response at all - other than the odd snicker at the Padme-Skywalker "chemistry" that was flatter than a week old diet coke. Oh yeah, R2D2 has some of the best lines.
The high point of the movie for me was identifying all the ways they twisted things to get continuity with the first story (from 1977). Case in point - Yoda has to go to the land of the Wookies and fight the, well, whoever it is he is fighting - they were not too clear on that - so that a minor character named Chewbakka can be introduced. Gosh I wonder if we will see him again?
My favorite scene, though, comes at the very end. Anakin has embraced the dark side and become Darth Vader. The "famous final showdown" with Obi-Wan has happened, leaving him a burned husk that must be kept alive with machines. (Why this is if they have technology to create armies of clones is never quite explained.) So he is strapped to a table and rebuit into a $6 billion man. They put on "The Helmet" and tilt the bed upright so he can be seen in all his evil glory. At this point it was all I could do not to shout out "IT'S ALIIIIVE". The scene only needed Igor and a one-armed constable to be the complete Frankenstein rip-off.
Go see it, but for mercies sake do not pay full price. Use matinees, Student cards, Senior prices, or sneak in the back door. Otherwise you will feel the force sucking at your wallet.
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